WHICH KAIF? KATRINA, OF COURSE!

S Sreesanth failed miserably as he dived to save a run hit by Aussie Shane Watson of the Rajasthan Royals. The normally placid crowd of Jaipur booed the Kerala boy with sadistic delight, even as a visibly distraught Sreesanth tried to quickly recapture composure.

Elsewhere, Rahul Dravid felt in alien land inhabited by unreceptive hosts as his straight drive for a classy boundary was met with a deafening silence by the supporters of Mumbai Indians at Wankhede. At the end of the match, Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar had a quick perfunctory hand-shake, almost frosty, without even looking each other in the eye.

Kolkota welcomed the charming Devdas in a modern attire of casual jeans and dark glares as his KnightRiders triumphed for the second successive time led by Sourav Ganguly, clearly relishing the role of the skipper once again, in a black and golden outfit straight out of a me-too Ridley Scott kind of a movie . Ricky Ponting followed his captain’s orders with sublime obedience, waiting anxiously in the slips to catch any ball flying off the edges bowled by India nemesis Ishant Sharma. The much-dramatized and hugely oversold days of IPL are playing out, even as I pen this column.

Bollywood hurricane Katrina Kaif , whose natural twang reminds me you of why she was a logical choice to star in Namastey London, talks with the sagacious wisdom of a soothsayer; “ We ( Royal Challengers ) will win the match 99%”. The bookies must have betted big-time on her analytical instincts, as the team owned by the King of Kingfisher thumped the phlegmatic bunch of Mukesh Ambani by a convincing margin.

Elsewhere, Akshay Kumar, whose claim to fame is being the Casanova-in-distress, did some filmy stunts to salute the dare-devils in the Delhi team, and the usually monosyllabic fellow actually went into the commentary box too, whispering Tashan everytime there was a brief pause. Promotion time, after all.

Preity Zinta looked crestfallen as bullet-train Brett Lee found his usually hostile balls being slogged away remorselessly into the abbreviated boundary-line. Shah Rukh Khan, of course, being the redoubtable Badshah of Bollywood that he is, has systematically legitimized his presence in a cricket stadium. He might even be issuing complimentary tickets to Professor Ratnakar Shetty himself. Life has indeed come a full circle , 360* , for the greedy, avaricious officials of BCCI. In fact, it’s dwindling hold on cricketing matters was best manifested by the newly launched Reliance –family- and- friends- scheme which extended into the media box in Wankhede. In Eden Gardens, with Devdas himself being the numero-uno, it seems paradoxical that CAB is playing tough in sanctioning the “bar room”. And the highly disciplined Dravid was told to stay off the Chinnaswamy stadium , as the Washington White Skins or the Texan Red-Necks or whatever had to do their dancing rehearsals.

In the commentary box, one saw a new ploy of reversing the gender equation . Sorry Mandy baby! Market research has shown to some that to attract eyeballs of vulnerable young women and family audiences sitting precariously imbalanced between Tulsi’s tear-drops and Yuvraj Singh’s torso, they need strapping studs instead of a noodle bar , who just mix up team names like an apprentice bartender , cannot proceed beyond hyperboles such as fantastic, and look as clueless as a puppy with three tails.

In between the over-zealous proceedings , the flood-lights went off in the garden of Eden, the inaugural match was over in a tearing hurry, bookies ran special editions, laser light-displays caught curvaceous shapes in bubble-gums, BCCI heads Sharad Pawar and Lalit Modi got booed during the inaugural ceremony and SRK did his trademark shake, minus a smoky apparatus.

Hrithik Roshan performed in what was evidently a hurriedly shot amateurish ad. And the Kolkota pitch was a subject of much maligning, and mud-slinging( pun intended).

Somewhere in between there was some cricket.

And the forgotten Mohammed Kaif , briefly reborn, has just discovered that during his long sabbatical his biggest threat has not been Yuvraj or VVS or Suresh Raina. But a certain Miss Katrina. Such is life. And IPL.

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