Grow up, Mr. Warne!

The IPL farce assumes global proportions by the day. At JFK, New York en route to India earlier this week, I read about the supposedly explosive confrontation between the retired celebrated sex machine, Aussie Shane Warne (I am a huge fan of his classic bowling) and our own local favorite whipping-boy Sourav Ganguly. And the fact that IPL was busy rewriting cricketing history by the comical decision to suspend the poor umpire himself. Frankly, I don't know about you but how can you keep a straight-face in the middle of all this mindless ballooney.

Firstly, I was hugely reassured that good old Farookh Engineer was himself not already suspended for jumping up and down in his super-sized suspenders every time his home-town Mumbai Indians flattered or was it flattened to deceive? IPL honchos seemingly reminded him that a match referee could also be slapped with an embarrassing forehand suspension, for displaying parochial loyalties. Farookh, like apun ka Salman Rushdie has clearly strong domicile roots, and native brotherhood was bound to surface up. Although unfortunately for Harbhajan Singh, the erstwhile wicket-keeper was remarkably dispassionate in handing out a 11 match suspension to Bhajji boy. A costly slap that!

I was also delighted that Warne did not SMS Sourav in explicit detail his personal sentiments on the controversial catch issue , defying past trends, as Warne does get carried away with his passionate intonations. The whole issue smacked of palpable immaturity, and showed that Warne despite his nearing a rotund profile at the cherry age of 40, was still a petty bully with street-side thug-like disposition. As is destined for most Australians, it took the cool calculated method of Ganguly to put Warne back in his slipping trousers. The fact that Mr Greg Chappell was still hovering around the boundary-fence carrying his morose baggage must have just been added motivation for Ganguly to put the Aussie agro where it deserved to be; in the black hole.

It's ridiculous, but Sourav's request to the umpire had nothing to do with Mr Warne, so the latter had absolutely no business to appear riled. There are officials with designated responsibilities, and no external verbal intervention is required. And frankly, Ganguly was vindicated by the third umpire; so ideally that should have been the end of the short story. And just because Graeme Smith is an international skipper does not mean that he cannot make a mistake. Has Warne forgotten Ricky Ponting's dead determination on catches during the recent Test series which were proven as conclusively misleading, and maybe even deliberate? Memories fading, Mr Warne?

Warne has clearly cocooned up to Ganguly's nemesis, Greg Chappell, during the Jaipur hiatus, and although I am tempted to term it as a royal conspiracy to malign Ganguly all over again, I will await their next clash to ascertain my growing apprehension on the issue. It seemed strange to me that like Chappell, Warne launched into a personal tirade, making subjective allegations , sounding bitterly sarcastic, waking up old ghosts and went quickly to the national media. It had an ominous ring around it.

Warne is aware that the IPL has created the perfect platform to cause cracks at will in the Indian camp thanks to divided city loyalties and commercial imperatives. The Bhajji slapping incident will gladden many an Aussie heart, providing them with a palliative balm. Who better at exploiting it than the conniving plotters from Down Under?

But Shane Warne is better advised to let his big mouth experience some momentary rest. His verbal ejaculations against Sourav were in poor taste. And we could do less with his vitriolic motivated outpourings. Ganguly rightfully laughed off Warne's diatribes, instead scoffing at his legendary conquests of controversies. The laundry-list is never-ending.

It also proves what I have always believed about some cricketers. They grow old, but they don't grow up.

• Slap and sack [Posted Sunday , May 11, 2008 ]
• BCCI's teargate scandal! [Posted Sunday , April 27, 2008 ]
• Which Kaif? Katrina, of course [Posted Tuesday , April 22, 2008 ]
• Which Kaif? Katrina, of course [Posted Tuesday , April 22, 2008 ]