The Shilpa Shetty effect

" An obnoxious little weed". Matthew's Hayden's disparaging remark, seemingly uttered in caustic humour with a radio chat show host towards Indian off spinner Harbhajan Singh caused a national furore yesterday. As practically everyone got into the act to salvage "India's national pride" if nothing else, it expanded the English vocabulary repository of a large chunk of us. Suddenly, there were vociferous demands for Hayden's head, and a war cry for avenging this ignominious insult.

Hayden's comments, unwarranted as they might have been given the recent bitterness between the two teams, was more like terming Bhajji as an insufferable little brat. Like a pesky intrusive gadfly buzzing endlessly on. Or an exasperating fellow , a problem child. There was absolutely nothing of malicious intent , and it was certainly not deliberately provocative. But somehow, we were all in a state of inexplicable frenzy, bordering on lunatic sensitivity.

Frankly, I have observed a peculiar amorphous face of Indian nationalism emerge of late, which has begun to conveniently trash adversaries with aggressive vigour , while hardly practicing the same noble principles, whose violations lead us to hang others. Clearly, double standards of the highest order are on display.

Let me be brief, albeit I am tempted to do a scholarly research:

1) Mat Hayden has been pulled up by Cricket Australia in a terse reminder of his player responsibilities. He has been warned for calling Bhajji a " weed". But when Mr Harbhajan Singh abused Andrew Symonds by a repugnant " Teri Maa ki---", what did BCCI office-bearers do? They apparently laughed during the video trial proceedings. And we made Harbhajan look like a national hero?

2) Isn't it evident that the Australian cricketers are literally seething from within especially with Bhajji as the whole world is aware that he got away scot-free because of BCCI's back-room maneuverings and power-play? Such reactions are a manifestation of their pent-up anger, but frankly, aren't we equally responsible?

3) I have seen very " patriotic" Indians use the choicest expletives on Indian players whenever they foul up and lose , both in cricket stadiums and in crowded gatherings. Many casually accuse the Men in Blue of match-fixing. Why, we even booed Sachin Tendulkar himself in guess where, Wankhede stadium, his home town ? Why are we suddenly getting so uptight about the " weedy" innuendo?

4) So Mike Proctor was a conniving fraud who targeted India? Sure, maybe! So we went to a Kiwi judge, had an independent arbitration. So far, so good! Now is Jeff Crowe another collusive treacherous guy as well? Why don't we ask for his head too? And maybe during the South Africa series , let's look for settling scores with some more "biased" match referees?

5) According to Harbhajan Singh, the Australians are showing their petulant side because India is overtaking them , and the world champion crown is slipping fast from Ricky Ponting's balding plate? But isn't that a whole lot of over-cooked exaggeration? After all, Australia won the Test series 2-1. They hammered India, World Champions in T20 , into an embarrassing pulp in T20 match at Melbourne, and although we have run them close in a few games , we have just won one match in the Commonwealth ODI series. In fact, why don't we look at Bhajji's own personal non-performance during the current outings? 5 wickets and not counting either.

6) Isn't it rather strange that Andrew Symonds got the highest valuation, just a shade less than MS Dhoni, even more than Matt Hayden and Ricky Ponting and several Indian players? And Bhajji , for a 4 over off spinner in T20 and an occasional bat, he got a great deal too, right? Evidently, controversy sells, and impacts player valuations. And since players are now tradable commodities with a price tag, the less you are like the modest, simple, straight-forward Anil Kumble , the better. So isn't all the off-filed excitement benefiting some smart manipulators over the others?

7) I keep hearing from MS Dhoni that the Aussies are deliberately attacking the vulnerable players ( read Bhajji, Sreesanth, etc ) ? Then my dear friend, why are they still getting instigated? Why not be a cool headed pro on the field?

8) Poor Sanjay Manjrekar! He was actually as profusely hated as Hayden because he had the temerity to question Sachin Tendulkar's position in the team. The entire country pounced on him as if he had dared to hijack the Taj Mahal itself. Of course, Tendulkar then blasted a quick-fire 60 runs, and then questioned " over-worked brains" working against his interest. But let's probe deep. How many people have the luxury of several outings to finally discover their "magic touch"? Like Sachin. Or Yuvraj Singh. Come on, how many? Ask Rahul Dravid, Mohammed Kaif, Sourav Ganguly, and VVS Laxman, and you will get your answers. This is the ultimate in dubious yardsticks. Of course, none of our TV commentators will ever say a word on this consecrated subject called Sachin Tendulkar.

9) So MSD says India must learn the " art of sledging". That is an open endorsement of sledging, but have you heard a single comment from anyone in BCCI? From the idiot-box? The erstwhile quiet Dhoni from Jharkhand has learnt smart and quick. Sledging will soon become an integral part of the game ( ICC will introduce a new rule, saying minimum sledging that MUST happen per match ) because it is creating greater TRPs than even the outcome of the game itself . Also it is the best way to conceal non-performance.

10) I suggest that given the unending bickering between the two teams, why don't we take it to the next logical step and simply play less matches ( ESPN, sponsors happy???) till we have a modicum of emotional maturity and basic communication standards? Why don't the Aussies voluntarily drop-out of the IPL, and the franchisees let go off Adam Gilchrist, Ponting, Symonds, Hayden etc? And why don't we make IPL rock without the men from Down Under? Any takers? Or is IPL and money the ultimate equalizer for both sides? Is cash the big peace-maker?

The events of the last few months reminds me of Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty and the Big Brother episode. Ms Shetty's diamonds have glittered incandescent since that classic sob opera; product endorsements, Broadway plays, movie roles, celebrity status, and even an imminent bridegroom. . I think the Indian cricketers owe a significant share of their earnings to Ms Shetty as they have found in her racial vilification and commercial windfall , both a role model and a business model.

Bring it on, Matt Hayden! No one is complaining, you obnoxious big weed!