Breaking News: BCCI hires a CEO

After exhaustive deliberations, the BCCI has come to the sublime conclusion that a CEO for the BCCI is a totally redundant position, like an unwanted third shoe. On hearing this, it is rumoured that several large corporate houses are planning to give marching orders to their fat pay-check earning, black-sedan driving, week-end golfing, self-obsessed management disasters called CEOs. Some job site portals crashed in a mountainous heap this morning as CEOs hurriedly cancelled breakfast meetings, skipped the power yoga, and began posting their exaggerated achievements online.

It is being speculated that the BCCI hired a top notch Big Six management consulting firm to do an investigative research on the CEO scandals that hit George Bush’s country, which resulted in a new management lexicon, the Chief Embezzlement Officer. They have been impressed by the financial ingenuity of the CEOs in the findings, including their daring originality. But can we get CEOs of that calibre in India, is the multi-trillion question that haunts the esteemed cricket organisation. The findings are also seemingly scathing, insinuating a supernatural bond of sorts between Martha Stewart and a certain J Jayalalitha. This might even adversely affect BCCIs commitment to emancipating women’s cricket. Fair and Lovely, said an unnamed official.

On hearing that e-mail leaks caused the great Enron empire to collapse, the plans to have the BCCI website may be permanently stalled. A former BCCI president from Jat-land is it seems astronomically delighted, as he can now access his e-mail inbox from his palatial residence letter-box in Gurgaon when the postman knocks twice. Hotmail in Haryana assumes strangely creative interpretations, you see!

The BCCI will in all probability rename the mighty Vision document, 20:20 Illusion Revisited and get Bausch and Lomb to sponsor it. Amongst other plans, it is proposed to play A to Z level tournaments, in multi-coloured clothing in far-off countries, including Iceland, under floodlights. Senior players will be rehabilitated under a special scheme, wherein they will be given North Stand complimentary tickets in exchange for memorabilia that will be auctioned on E-Bay, and earn 2.7555555% of net auction proceeds.

When quizzed that there are raging issues of farmer suicides in Vidharbha belt in the home state of India’s Agriculture Minister, who is also holding the September office of BCCI President, an aggressive marketing whiz-kid from the cricket organisation said: "Patience! Patience! Even the Indian cricket team commits suicide collectively from time to time, and we show that on prime-time with commercial spots. These farmers are only taking the plot too far."

One hapless, desperate scribe waiting for that billion dollar sound byte could not resist the creeping temptation, "But Sar, why have you scrapped the position of CEO for BCCI?" Visibly exasperated, the BCCI official shot back with a sting, "Who said we have scrapped the position of CEO? WE HAVE NOT. We are only re-designating the position; it will now be called Chief Entertainment Officer."

An hour later actor, comedian Johnny Lever was spotted hovering around in dark glasses near BCCI headquarters.